If I fall if I die, know I lived it till the fullest.. If I fall if I die, know I lived and missed some bullets..

Out of curiosity, when I saw a show on TV about Life Path Numbers, I googled mine and had to laugh at the result. It's either, these "numerologists" are absolute geniuses and the greatest liars in the world, or there is really something to it all. My number came out as 7 and these were the last two lines: 

"This number is one that seems to have some major shifts from highs to lows. Stability in feelings may be elusive for you."

I had to laugh of course, because I realized that it is one of the most accurate ways of describing me.. and man am I exhausted after having another day of lows. Sadly, I wasn't blessed with the virtue of patience, and nothing brings me down more than waiting for an eternity.. and then getting nothing. I guess it's all a matter of attitude, but it is also a very human trait to always want more. I get bored easily, and I want way too much for my own good. And nothing, nothing makes me spin out of control even more than being told that I should "be happy" because I have such a great life. Oh if only my brain would listen to me, because I know that my heart is more than willing to find happiness. 

Tomorrow the wind is supposed to start and I can feel my hands beginning to itch. All I know is, when I tested the newest kites when they arrived a couple of weeks ago, I could have cried, being overwhelmed by all the pent up emotions of the lat 5 months. Being in the city had its advantages, but I felt like in the end, it sucked the juice out of me, and the "home" I was looking for, I could not find. 

Maybe I demand too much from my life, but is it really so wrong to want variety, to seek adventure, to keep on dreaming? I know my life is far from normal. But maybe my way, is just my version of normal. And I'll be damned if I'll let anyone convince me that my version of normal is less valid than theirs..  

wearing ION bikini and boardshorts 

photos by Katia Kalyani

I'm wicked and I'm lazy

 I don't know about you, but a year without a real Halloween for me is a total waste of a year! So instead of spending the long weekend on a quiet beach, diving, and possibly rebelliously being the only person sitting on the sand in a full costume - we hopped on a plane to the only place in this country where you can really call Halloween a celebration - Boracay. Nothing compares to the mess, the human traffic, the random costumes, the extensive body make-up, the drunkenness and the absolute flamboyance of the local residents. Among my personal favorites were Alex DeLarge of A Clockwork Orange, Bjork's infamous 2001 Academy Awards swan dress, Jimi Hendrix, knocked up and boozing cheerleader, Reno 911 police officers, sexy slutty male nun, albino cannibal, Chucky from Child's Play and of course the grim reaper slash boyfriend (which I hurriedly ran through the sewing machine together with my nun habit) - who scared the living daylight out of the children on the beach.. some of them to tears. What a success!

The dress I wore is one of the skankiest things I have in my portable closet. It leaves no room for mistakes such as bending over and maybe even lifting my arms up over my head. I have only ever worn it once, and that was to an S&M themed party.........

What were you for Halloween, slutty or scary?

Don't you even try and explain how it's so different when we kiss

 wearing Forever 21 dress, trusty Zara heels & drunken smile

I know what it must look like but I promise I havent been partying that much... okay I take it back but there isnt much else to do here. Manila has proven itself to be some kind of concrete cage for an island baby like me. My last trip to the island didnt really knock my socks off but thats understandable considering that all the European party-heads hadnt found their way back yet. Now I can feel my hands itching for what I call "ADVEEEENTUUURE" and my mind is spinning wildly with the announced arrival dates of the kite-brigade. 

I have been obsessing with how I might be able to get my life under control, and finally become a "grown-up" as I was told the world is expecting of me. This mystery of how to evolve into something so unfamiliar in my book has become the bane of my young existence.. and months later I have decided to dust myself off, flip up my middle finger and just be who I know myself to be. Maybe I am one of those who will one day be devoured by her sheer refusal to live in the so-called "real" world. Maybe I will regret running barefoot for most of my adult life and laughing at expectations and paying the world in hugs and smiles. But right now, maybe just today, or maybe for the rest of my life, I'd like to think I don't care. For as long as I can wear flowers in my hair and dance in the rain..

Kiss me till you're drunk and I'll show you

 wearing DIY Calvin Klein denim shorts, Topshop bodysuit, Suzy Shier blazer, Zara heels, Forever 21 clutch

I wish I had more time to blog these days, but when I'm not too sleepy to do anything, I am too busy to do anything.

Also, since I'm planning to move soon, it seems my daily routine has been taken over by the obvious planning, the endless paperwork, the spending-time-with-friends, partying (separate from spending time with friends) and my favorite activity of all time; eating too much for dinner and passing out mid-movie. Such is life when one is stuck in Limbo-land. In an effort to sweeten the waiting period (and God knows waiting, is my least favorite of all activities..) I have decided that dressing up and drinking up should probably top my priority list.. Especially when its just us girls. And with that, we smeared on the lipstick, slipped into the highest of all high heels and marched straight out and into the tapas + vino haven that is Barcino. Seriously, a Spanish feast, 4 bottles of wine, a loud ass car ride, a bottle of Belvedere, ledge dancing, Patron XOs and Brazilian boys later, I was on my way home to my man in what could only be politely described as a drunken stupor in all its excellence. In my defense, I paid for it majorly.. I didn't make it to work on Friday, hungover and sickly, but even that didn't hold me back from BBQing and hitting the clubs all over again on Saturday night. Except this time around, I topped my night off with a huge plate of chili cheese fries.. Before you judge me, let me just blame it all on the brownies................