If I fall if I die, know I lived it till the fullest.. If I fall if I die, know I lived and missed some bullets..

Out of curiosity, when I saw a show on TV about Life Path Numbers, I googled mine and had to laugh at the result. It's either, these "numerologists" are absolute geniuses and the greatest liars in the world, or there is really something to it all. My number came out as 7 and these were the last two lines: 

"This number is one that seems to have some major shifts from highs to lows. Stability in feelings may be elusive for you."

I had to laugh of course, because I realized that it is one of the most accurate ways of describing me.. and man am I exhausted after having another day of lows. Sadly, I wasn't blessed with the virtue of patience, and nothing brings me down more than waiting for an eternity.. and then getting nothing. I guess it's all a matter of attitude, but it is also a very human trait to always want more. I get bored easily, and I want way too much for my own good. And nothing, nothing makes me spin out of control even more than being told that I should "be happy" because I have such a great life. Oh if only my brain would listen to me, because I know that my heart is more than willing to find happiness. 

Tomorrow the wind is supposed to start and I can feel my hands beginning to itch. All I know is, when I tested the newest kites when they arrived a couple of weeks ago, I could have cried, being overwhelmed by all the pent up emotions of the lat 5 months. Being in the city had its advantages, but I felt like in the end, it sucked the juice out of me, and the "home" I was looking for, I could not find. 

Maybe I demand too much from my life, but is it really so wrong to want variety, to seek adventure, to keep on dreaming? I know my life is far from normal. But maybe my way, is just my version of normal. And I'll be damned if I'll let anyone convince me that my version of normal is less valid than theirs..  

wearing ION bikini and boardshorts 

photos by Katia Kalyani

This is a gift, it comes with a price, who is the lamb and who is the knife?

Sometimes life just takes over! This past week has been beyond busy, I have barely had time to breathe and there is a growing pile of dishes in my sink.. Help! We just wrapped up this season's KTA Boracay stop, yet another week filled with the kind of insanity only kiteboarders can provide.

We:

✔ hosted the welcome party at the 7 Stones over amazing food, free flowing drinks and waving flags, ours or other's ;)

✔ sashayed all over Summerplace in surf wear by ION, North & Billabong after consuming a rather large amount of pizza over hair, makeup & manicures.

✔ gambled the night away via Blackjack, Texas Hold'em & crab racing.. all for a good cause - raising funds for the Philippine Team.

✔ danced shamelessly with wings on our backs and drinks in our hands while celebrating my favorite fairy child's birthday.. 

✔ cheered furiously for the winners at the awarding night - female winner of the tour (in freestyle) is Japanese Aya Oshima, and we held a minute of silence for the victims of the latest tragedy to hit her country.

Which brings me to the conclusion of this post. It was extra hard for me to find the strength to come up with any kind of post. While the photos clearly deserve some airtime, everything these days is clearly clouded by all things worrying in the world. If you have a TV and a soul, you have probably been grieving with the rest of the world over the ruthless lessons mother nature seems to be wanting to teach us. People dying all over Japan, washed away in their homes and vehicles, buried under rubble and debris, crushed under buildings and lost in the sea of all things unrooted and uprooted - its heartbreaking and humbling at the same time. We are realizing how minuscule we are compared to  the earth's furious forces, how little we know, and how little power we have as human beings. We often forget those things in our daily life, blinded by our feelings of superiority, a false sense of entitlement and pure ignorance. Its a trait we cant blame ourselves for having, we are just built that way, but if nothing else, an event like this should at least make us more aware of life as it actually is, precious, fragile and temporary. Its at times like these when I regret being so far away from my family, but it is my only regret - I live my life like every day is my last because sometimes Its so good and I'm so blessed that I think, it cant possibly go on like this forever. We should all take a good look at what we are and what we have, and be grateful for all things we have been given and allowed to experience,  and the people we are able to love and know, instead of complaining about the things we do not have and were not able to enjoy. The importance of life and love is often so overlooked and taken for granted that devastating images of people looking for their dead relatives under the rubble is sometimes the only thing that can jolt us back into reality. 

Life is like a candle's flame, swaying in the darkness. Temporary and vulnerable.

Love your families and be grateful for love.

*Most photos are mine own except for some by Alexandru Baranescu for the KTA, Joseph Boquiren for Sports Unlimited and Christine San Diego ♥

Now it's all in your hands and it feels so beautiful

[All photos taken with my disposable film camera ♥]

It must be the schizophrenic in me, but I am starting to love my developing routine here.. and at the same time, I cant help but miss my humble little life on the island Ive come to love. There is just something bewitching about running barefoot and sun kissed skin that I will probably never get over. The clock is ticking and soon my life will take a different turn.. planes will land and I will have the much anticipated kitchen Ive been asking for. Ive been having quite the meaningful conversations with those around me, each of them yielding a different weapon of truth, each of them making as much sense as the other. In your 20's its just unavoidable to feel lost, forced by society to adapt to grotesque and antiquated social standards. At the end of the day, nobody can make these decisions for you, and the results can sometimes be excruciating. We all need to grow up someday and stand by our choices, no matter how ridiculous they may be to others - if its in your heart, its in your soul. Risk it. And if we fall flat on our faces, then learn the lesson and get on with the program. The most important thing about it all, is that you had the guts to try, come what may.

Everything else is completely insignificant.

♥