She's juicy and she's trouble; she gets it to me good.

"You should be dancing.." by the Bee Gee's is the only song I can associate with this post. (I know I am about a month late, but bear with me..)

When my dear friend Earl asked me to join them for the Preview Best Dressed Ball, wearing Mark Bumgarner, there was no doubt about it, I had to go. My excitement took off even more when I came in for a fitting and saw the pieces.. I was floored. I initially tried the dress with the mesh skirt (the one that eventually went to my girl Ikee) - but when I slipped into the bodysuit and the most amazing palazzo pants ever created, I knew that was it. We joked about pulling a Lady Gaga, i.e. without pants but I didn't think the press could handle it.. and considering we made a quick stop at McDonalds between the party and Republiq, it was probably a good decision, ultimately. I had not danced as much in a long long time, and what else but Drag Queens to serve as an unstoppable mood elevator? The night was perfect. Wined out and my hair a birds nest of hairspray and smelling like the club, I kicked my heels off as the sun went up and barely had time to pull my fake lashes off before I became dead to the world.

Nights like these are what remind me of all things good in my life. Last Sunday I spent a night in with the same people i made the dancefloors unsafe with that night and it was nice to just stay in, watch one movie after another and drink lots of wine. Unconditional love is something we expect mostly of our families, but it is something we can ultimately find in good friends. When you are in and out of relationships, you sometimes have to ask yourself if any love is consistent at all or if it all has the potential to blow up in your face and prove itself unauthentic. But when you find a connection like I have found.. the only right thing to do.. is go out there and dance.

♥

Dane, Ikee and Luisa are wearing Mark Bumgarner & RenegadeLovers clutches (Dane & Ikee)

Special thanks Earl Semitara, Mark Bumgarner and my girl Eunice Lucero for the invitation. 

PS: If you are looking for long black dresses to go dancing in, then there is a great selection at www.ellos.co.uk. Check out the website to find out more information so you can view the clothes on offer.

"Give in to lust, give up to lust, oh heaven knows we'll soon be dust.."

 wearing tube top worn as skirt, random mustard tank, Monki bra, Billabong sweater, vintage boots, Headware headband, Forever 21 bag

Where does one begin to tell their story when they are in the middle of the ultimate curves on the rollercoaster ride of life? I can sit through my day thinking, what a bore, here I go again, same thing every day.. but it really isn't. Every day seems to be changing something significant in everyone who means something to me. Maybe it is the age I am at. We are all hustling, learning, loving, fighting for something.. People are struggling, trying, crying.. dying..

Yesterday I found out that a girl I had met last year at the Sinulog festival in my home town Cebu, was found in her apartment, three days after she hung herself from her door frame. She was in her twenties, and scrolling through her Facebook profile yesterday, I remembered that she was such a pleasure to be around. She was light-hearted, bubbly, funny and incredibly warm. She seemed to have it all.. money, the looks, was well travelled.. And yet. She was apparently so lonely, she chose to take her own life, causing a wave of guilt and confusion around her. The news caused a discussion amongst girls. It seems, we have all been there, we have all wanted to give up at some point in our lives.. My point arrived when I was 16, had just broken up with who I thought was someone I "loved" and was suspended from school for fighting back when 3 girls decided to jump me during P.E. - for dating one of their ex boyfriends. But now, 10 years later, remembering the consequences.. none of it was worth it. So we had to ask ourselves.. what Is it that ultimately pushes people over the edge like that, and how do we avoid ourselves and others from reaching that boiling point?

Everything has become so serious these days, and at this point, I don't know if I would still possess my sanity if it wasn't for my girl friends. No matter how heavy life becomes, I always know there is that, and if for nothing else, I have the unconditional love only true friends can provide you. One of my bestest, Paula, was leaving to attack a new strategy to life, and live out her new adventure on the other side of the world, and we finally caught up, spent time together and goofed around with a bunch of cameras all over the mall, drank wine in the afternoons and infiltrated the local salon for mini-makeovers. She is a trooper, and I will miss her massively.. and she is an admirable pillar of strength. This one's to us, babe!

I will never know what had rot my heart it just came and went in the dark

Photos by Hannah Bacalla

BTS & Makeup by Michael Chavez
wearing Forever 21 tank, Terranova leggings, Monikapolitan cat-eye sunnies

These are the last shots from my shoot with Hannah. The sunnies just deserved a little attention, that's all. You can get them at Monikapolitan for a steal, its ridiculous.

My eyelids are falling as I'm typing this. The last few days I managed to paint my (new) walls, buy little things for the new place and unpack most of the boxes. I love my little corner up in the tree house, and when I'm done with it, it will be my little haven, my little hiding place away from reality. Tomorrow I am heading to the city for a little work, and a little play. I miss my wifey and we have lots to catch up on. The island is bustlin' with the pre-season preparations, anticipation of Halloween and turning this little sleepy island into techno island yet again. Quite a few things going on for me this season - excitement, confusion and sheer terror are the main emotions ruling my thoughts these days.. so much change in so little time - I almost feel like a brand new person. My social calendar is figuratively overflowing and I'm not complaining.. I have spent so much time lately enjoying cheap red wine and pasta with friends, its become some kind of therapy session for me. Nothing heals a wounded soul like other pure souls who gather with you to share their strength.

I have been asked if I would start my own SATC style blog, now that I am back on the singles market, and I had to laugh. Writing about sex in NYC is one thing, but on this island? I think it would be much too easy to figure out who I was talking about, and lets face it, it would just end up being more like a gossip girl column.. although I have to admit, the prospect of having some kind of empowered female voice to pick apart the jerks publicly, is one filled with temptation.. But don't worry boys, maybe another time. This girl is too busy to kiss and tell.

PS: What were the good interior design blogs again?

♥

I'm the hero of the story, don't need to be saved

Photos by Hannah Bacalla

BTS & Makeup by Michael Chavez
wearing Topshop ribbon tank, RenegadeLovers bandage skirt, Yves Identify jacket, SoulePhenomenon B&W wedges

Again, thank you for all the supportive feedback Ive been getting from all sides. I guess you never really realize how many people read your blog until you go through a breakup and end up with a flood of emails from your readers. Thank you thank you so much! I have gotten quite a few questions for the Vlog I have been planning, so hang in there for that. When I'm camera ready, I'm getting on it, promise!

Lately I have been spending a lot of my time with my girls, picking apart the lessons life has taught us.. I'm sure they are sick of hearing about my issues, but they continue to stand by me and listen to my incessant and probably pointless rantings - after all, they are quite possibly the most amazing bunch of females in my life. Girl power should not be underestimated. Melancholy still catches up with me from time to time.. but like I keep telling my other girlfriends who are going through the same thing; deal with the raw emotions, no matter how painful, but don't hang on to it. Let go, get out there, meet people and move on.. but don't go looking for a new love that will replace the gaping hole in your heart - that's just a recipe for disaster. You cant replace one with the other, but you can open yourself up to something new, something with the potential to turn into something so beautiful, it takes your breath away each time, but don't be in any rush. Take the time to learn to love yourself first, and everything else will follow. Just remember.. "Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together."

♥

You trick your lovers that you're wicked and divine

Photos by Hannah Bacalla

BTS by Michael Chavez
wearing Mango cut offs, TopMan tee, vintage jacket + boots

To all my readers who have written emails of concern to me, thank you. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have a battalion of hearts behind mine, offering words of wisdom or virtual hugs. You are all so damn amazing. Will do blog rounds soon!

Single life is turning out to be rather interesting. In the last week, I have met some incredible people, and spent lots of quality time with myself. I realize that in the last few years, I had really lost myself in what I thought was the life I wanted and was ready for, which makes no sense. I committed when I was 21, that's far too young for a serious relationship. Its what our culture here teaches us. My mother had me when she was 20, so naturally, as soon as I surpassed that age, the topic of grand children kept coming up. I love kids, but drowning in dirty diapers is really not the way I imagined my 20's to be.

I'm heading home to the island in a couple of days to get started on some of the changes that need to be made there. Its going to be quite emotional, sorting through boxes of stuff, separating personal belongings and moving into separate places, but its also very intriguingly exciting. The upcoming season is always an eventful one, so there definitely will be no time for loneliness. I'm going to keep the blog, but bear with me, my appetite for fashion has stalled and been replaced with over thought philosophies about love and life.. But I promise you, disastrous dates and awkward advances can add just as much spice to a blog. Stay posted ;)

More photos from Hannah - climbing around on rusty trucks and jumping off and risking ankle breakage - I'm a total daredevil, I know.

OH and PS: Thinking about doing my first VLOG ♥ so bring on the questions!

♥

And then came the rush of the flood stars of night turned deep to dust

Photos by Hannah Bacalla

BTS by Michael Chavez
wearing vintage skirt, old tee, Parisian wedges

Before I left Cebu, I squeezed in a last minute shoot with the most amazing Hannah. All we did was run around the industrial area and laugh our asses off. I wore an amazing skirt.. high waisted skirts really rock my fashion world as opposed to high waisted jeans, which just look wrong on me. We ran around a bit and she tried to capture a photo where it didn't look like I was hanging out under the noon sun and fighting the wind at the same time. Its always such a delight to shoot with her, so uncomplicated and easy. This is the first in a series of 4.

I'm still in a state of shock, so my writing will probably stay tainted by my grief for a while. This retrograde clearly has it in for me, because I'm just getting one shit storm after another handed to me. Love has been an ongoing topic in my head, usually accompanied by a giant question mark at the end. Love makes everything more tragic, beautiful, interesting, painful. Love can destroy you in seconds, but it can also save your life. People tell me to move on, meet new guys, like that will help heal a broken heart. I always thought I was afraid of being alone, but it isn't me who lives with that fear, its those who jump from one relationship to the next, often overlapping, only having the courage to leave when they have found a replacement, leaving behind them a wake of broken hearts, lies and self-doubt. In an episode of Sex and the City, the question was once asked; When two people part, where does the love go? Does it dive off a cliff? Is it transferred to the next person? Does it linger? Do we bury it deep in our hearts and keep it there forever? Or does it ultimately blacken and turn into hate? One love cannot be replaced by another, just like people cant be replaced.. its never the same. The love always remains somehow. All we can do is keep on truckin', self-convinced and determined to find love again.

So why do I still feel so lost?